One barrier to improving your happiness and mental health is the misconception that eliminating all sources of unhappiness in our lives will make us happy. You are not alone if you have felt this way. Until the beginning of the twentieth century, psychologists largely viewed positive and negative emotions on a continuum – if you had more positive emotions than negative emotions, the happier you were. Conversely, the more negative emotions than positive ones that you felt, the more unhappy you were. Your mental well-being and happiness could be measured on a scale ranging from very unhappy to very happy.
Today, most psychologists now realize that positive and negative emotions can coexist. In an article published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, authors Diener and Emmons investigated the relationship between positive and negative emotions using data from five studies with 776 participants. They concluded, “It appears that positive and negative affect are independent in terms of how much people feel in their lives over longer periods.” In other words, positive and negative emotions can exist at the same time. You don’t have to eliminate all sources of unhappiness in your life before you can be happier. Greater happiness can be yours even if there are sources of unhappiness in your life.
An example of this is in Paul’s letter to the Philippians 4:11-13, “For I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (KJV)
Paul’s mental state, well-being, and happiness were not dependent on what was going on in his life at a particular moment. His purpose in life and the strength of Christ allowed him to rise above his outward circumstances even when those circumstances were adverse.
Since positive and negative emotions are independent, we must work on doing positive things to increase our happiness and improve our mental health. Things like showing love, practicing gratitude, and taking time to pray and meditate, to name a few, all work toward increasing our mental well-being.
How can we properly manage and view the negative things and sources of unhappiness in our lives? There are three main things that we need to remember.
Negative emotions are essential in keeping us alive
No one likes to feel physical pain, but there is something worse than feeling physical pain, and that is not feeling physical pain. There is a very rare and extremely dangerous condition called congenital insensitivity to pain and anhydrosis (CIPA). People with this condition do not feel physical pain. They often die early in life because they do not sense danger and can experience great harm. Many children with the condition become severely burned because they do not feel the pain of the hot stove burning their flesh. Cuts and gashes go unnoticed, and they lose significant amounts of blood. They can bite off the tip of their tongue while eating because they can’t sense the pain of biting their tounge.
Negative emotions, for the most part, tell us something is wrong. The pain in our tooth tells us we should see a dentist before our condition worsens. Fear of heights increases our awareness as we walk along a cliff to ensure we minimize the chance of falling to our death. Hunger lets us know that we need to eat food to survive.
We must examine our negative emotions when they arise and assess whether there is something we can do to minimize or eliminate the source of the unhappiness. Negative emotions are often a sign that something in our lives needs attention.
Negative things will happen to all of us
Ecclesiastes 9:2 says “All things come alike to all: there is one event to the righteous, and to the wicked; to the good and to the clean, and to the unclean; to him that sacrificeth, and to him that sacrificeth not: as is the good, so is the sinner; and he that sweareth, as he that feareth an oath.” (NKJV)
Sickness, natural disasters, and any number of unpleasant things can happen to anyone. We need to examine the source of our unhappiness and determine if there is something we can do to alleviate or manage it. Sometimes, there is nothing that we can do.
One of the most powerful examples of this is the experience of Victor Frankl in a Nazi concentration camp during the 1940s. In 1946, he published “Man’s Search for Meaning”. The book chronicled his time in the concentration camp and the horrors he experienced and observed. Even though he could do nothing about his imprisonment, he observed and found ways to stay mentally strong and stay alive while so many of his colleagues gave up and died.
Hopefully, none of us will need to endure the terrible events that Victor Frankl experienced. However, many of us can learn to practice the love, hope, and purpose as he did to remain mentally strong and survive his ordeal in the concentration camps.
Short-term pain can lead to long-term gain
James 1 verses 2 – 4 says, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” (NKJV)
At first, this verse doesn’t make sense. Why would I find joy in a trial or a difficulty? Trials are unpleasant! Yet any athlete, scholar, or entrepreneur understands this verse’s meaning. To grow, you must stretch yourself beyond your previous limits. This will cause temporary unhappiness.
I engage in regular exercise to maintain a healthy physical body and a healthy mind. However, it is not always pleasant. Getting out of bed to run when I feel like sleeping causes momentary, mild unhappiness. Sore muscles after a particularly strenuous workout cause short-term unhappiness. Here, clearly, happiness and unhappiness exist at the same time. However, even with my aching muscles, exercise benefits my happiness immensely.
Many sayings and slogans emphasize this concept: Just Do It, No pain – no gain, He who hesitates is lost, No guts – no glory, Fortune favors the brave.
Studying long hours while your friends are out partying may not seem fun at the time, but the rewards of the degree or diploma have long-lasting effects. The hard work and seemingly little return while starting a business often pay off with tremendous rewards.
The temporary unhappiness experienced while working toward a goal can lead to great long-term benefits. Happiness and unhappiness can coexist.
Recognizing that even the happiest people will experience unhappiness will help you achieve greater life balance and satisfaction. Happiness and unhappiness can be present at the same time. Negative emotions are often a sign that something needs attention in our lives. Recognize them for what they are and take action if you can. These warning signs, like physical pain when something is going wrong with our body, are essential to staying alive, but please don’t assume that you must eliminate all sources of unhappiness in your life before you can happier. To become happier, invest time and effort into things that science and the Bible show us that will increase your happiness: show love, practice gratitude, pray and meditate.
